Posts Tagged ‘Jesus’

Mark Driscoll’s Top Ten Manliest Ways to Die.

1.) Any person who makes fun of the feminization of mankind is worthy of honor, but epic is the death of a man who dies while zealously hurling insults at an effeminate European “man.”

Interesting

2.)Preaching to a bunch of woman so forcefully that your lungs and heart explode simultaneously.  To make this death even more grand, your last word should be a Braveheartian yell of “SUUUBBBMIIIIITTTTT!!!!”

3.)If you happen upon an angry mob of gay men, and you bully them in the name of Jesus.  If this angry mob attacks you and kills you.  THIS.  THIS is an honorable death.

Although … as I think about it … if you’re a real man, you should be able to beat up an angry mob of gay men with a paperback Bible as your weapon.

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Scratch that last one.

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4.)If you happen upon an angry mob of gay men, you bully them, 100 of them attack them, you beat them all up and then die from exhaustion.  THEN.  THEN, this is an honorable death.

5.) If you die from a heart attack while making love to your wife.  But, you must die on top for this to be considered honorable.

I have to assume this is supposed to be comedic. Gay bashing? Female intimidation?

6.) Speaking of being on top.  We all know that authority is hierarchical and that God ultimately wins because God’s the guy on Top.  He’s the Master not the Servant and so you – being like God — have got to be the Master of your wife.   If you die from constantly footing your wife down, you’ve died in the correct, biblical position and you’ve died a man.

7.) If you were raised by your mother and your father was absentee, obviously you’re going to be all lovey, dovey and have a gay view of God – probably a view similar to Rob Bell’s.  In fact, you might even look like Rob Bell, smell like Rob Bell and not believe in hell like Rob Bell.  At this point, kill yourself … it’s the only way you can become a man.

I must be honest. I don’t understand footing your wife down. I’ll have to look it up. But, joking about suicide?

8.) If you’re killed after a long battle with a robot, you’re a man.

9.) If you die from spontaneous combustion because you were trying to be as manly and as hot as me, “Mark Driscoll”, this is an honorable death for a real man.

10.) If you’re ever put in the position of Jesus — to die a substitutionary death for the sake of the few — you shouldn’t be a limp wristed Jesus and just lay down on the cross.  Fight those bastards!  Make your death glorious, manly, and God-like as you kill the Roman soldiers with every ounce of energy you have left.  Pick up your cross and use it as a weapon!  And die like a real man!

I’m ignoring the “I’m hot” comments and robot jokes. But I am thinking Mark just hinted that Jesus was weak.

I am glad I know better. I am thankful I don’t feel the need to beat my chest to try to hide my insecurities. It brings my heart joy that making jokes about Jesus’s death on the cross does not amuse me. 

Bad news though. I would whip Mark Driscoll’s ass. I would gleefully knock his ass out for the people he hurts and misleads.

I kind of feel sorry for you, Mark. I think you have some insecurity issues and I’ll pray for you when I think about it. But, I wish you would try to come at me with that shit. Just once.

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I was in church listening to the sermon a the topic was power in the name of Jesus. Now in truth, I think I normally think of the topic as a prideful cliché. Almost like something I would hear on a bad movie. Such as, “I expel you, you satan in the name of Jezzzus”!

The comedy and secularism in our society has really made a mockery of the faith and the power of my Saviors name. And he has many. For this post I will just focus on Jesus.

I would say though that it is partly my fault. I had to stop and think, ” When was the last time I mentioned to anyone the name of Jesus and the power of faith in his name”?

As an example, in Acts 3, the text speaks of Peter and John healing the crippled beggar in the name of Jesus Christ.

When jailed and brought to the high priest and authorities, Peter and John again proclaimed, ” In the name of Jesus Christ”!, when asked by what power or name did you provide this healing.

Now I know  there are many more examples and there is a little more detail to the story. I would urge you to read for yourself because I am no Pastor or theologian.  But I say to you and myself, say his name!

References

Jesus

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I think we all like to feel somehow as righteous. I think we, as humans, like to feel we win.  Christians, we  push people away with politics.

My opinion of the real reason is that there is no right answer. None.

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism it’s just the opposite.- John Kenneth Galbraith

The politics of man are so polluted with envy, despair, pride, anger, and negative emotion. Our smug feeling of

  •  I’m right, you are wrong.
  • You must not be a Christian if you are a ___________ .
  • You must not understand scripture if you think ___________.
  • You must be stupid or evil if you think _____________ .

These feelings and statements do NOT bring persons to Christ.

They are not Christ like.  Your politics are not Christ’s teachings.

Because, they are not true. There is always grey in your black and white. They are of man. Not of God. And why do you think I say this?

Because they cause strife and separation within the children of God.

The souls we miss and the lives not touched by Christ through our pride. We will answer. I will answer.

Can we answer for less? Do the lost deserve more? Do we?

Selaniest

I love to tag surf and sometimes I run across a gem. This time I think I have ran across a diamond!

I have to say, this is almost stealing, but I want to add on this young ladies blog.

I think Christ would have said “Hakuna Matata” to the 12 if they had the word back then.

I would have loved to hear him say ” Hakuna Matata” to the grumblers for healing on the Sabbath.

And I think Christ would want us to dance like we do with our kids and grand kids to old Lion King sons.

Have church and dance in worship! ” Hakuna Matata” means ” There are no worries” Praise God for that!

Idea for post from this fine blog 

Anyone like this old song. “Like A Prayer” by Madonna   Catchy little number?  I think it’s more about boobs than God.  With so many things we do, I do not think our Lord was pleased.

Papa really , really did need to preach a lil more!  Ha~ Could not help it.

Another one I found in the back of the grey matter. “Pray” MC Hammer  Much better and Yes, I did like that on back in the day.  Well, actually, I still do!

But what happens when we ask someone to pray or when we offer prayer.  In truth, I say quite a few of us shame God.  Dilute prayer to something petty, un respected, weak even.  Lastly, displeasing and disrespectful to God.

Now before you pass me off as the holier than thou type, please know I am guilty of it myself. And since I at least think I write about things identifiable to me, here we are.

So here’s the rub.  My opinion is twofold.

  1. We sometimes offer prayer as a cop out.  Because it is easier and takes no money out of the wallet.  It makes us feel good and we can be relatively certain that no one will call us on it.  I mean , few will question the sincerity of the person offering prayer and very few would want to question the power of God once prayed upon.
  2. We rarely pray for all those requesting or in need anyway.  I don’t carry a notebook and I can’t tell you how many times I have asked about I phone aps for prayer lists.  ( OK , well, I think it was 3 times.  I got no responses. )  Does anyone really remember all that stuff?  Am I the only bad person here?  I pray not ( just joshing you )

So I think we are doing God a huge disservice.  By offering a prayer as a shield to keep your hands clean or wallet fat is an offence to God and the needy.  People need help.  Arms and legs.  Shoulders to cry on.  Food for their kids.

Not lazy prayers for God to fix things we can handle.  We pray for illness to leave but, do we check in on them.  Ask how they are doing?  Visit?  Did you even remember to pray?

My final point is this.  Get dirty.  Get honest.  Get Godly.  And when it comes to prayer, Get in or shut up.

And again, the shame is mine as well.  Pray for me?

Selaniest