Posts Tagged ‘christianity’

Mark Driscoll’s Top Ten Manliest Ways to Die.

1.) Any person who makes fun of the feminization of mankind is worthy of honor, but epic is the death of a man who dies while zealously hurling insults at an effeminate European “man.”

Interesting

2.)Preaching to a bunch of woman so forcefully that your lungs and heart explode simultaneously.  To make this death even more grand, your last word should be a Braveheartian yell of “SUUUBBBMIIIIITTTTT!!!!”

3.)If you happen upon an angry mob of gay men, and you bully them in the name of Jesus.  If this angry mob attacks you and kills you.  THIS.  THIS is an honorable death.

Although … as I think about it … if you’re a real man, you should be able to beat up an angry mob of gay men with a paperback Bible as your weapon.

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Scratch that last one.

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4.)If you happen upon an angry mob of gay men, you bully them, 100 of them attack them, you beat them all up and then die from exhaustion.  THEN.  THEN, this is an honorable death.

5.) If you die from a heart attack while making love to your wife.  But, you must die on top for this to be considered honorable.

I have to assume this is supposed to be comedic. Gay bashing? Female intimidation?

6.) Speaking of being on top.  We all know that authority is hierarchical and that God ultimately wins because God’s the guy on Top.  He’s the Master not the Servant and so you – being like God — have got to be the Master of your wife.   If you die from constantly footing your wife down, you’ve died in the correct, biblical position and you’ve died a man.

7.) If you were raised by your mother and your father was absentee, obviously you’re going to be all lovey, dovey and have a gay view of God – probably a view similar to Rob Bell’s.  In fact, you might even look like Rob Bell, smell like Rob Bell and not believe in hell like Rob Bell.  At this point, kill yourself … it’s the only way you can become a man.

I must be honest. I don’t understand footing your wife down. I’ll have to look it up. But, joking about suicide?

8.) If you’re killed after a long battle with a robot, you’re a man.

9.) If you die from spontaneous combustion because you were trying to be as manly and as hot as me, “Mark Driscoll”, this is an honorable death for a real man.

10.) If you’re ever put in the position of Jesus — to die a substitutionary death for the sake of the few — you shouldn’t be a limp wristed Jesus and just lay down on the cross.  Fight those bastards!  Make your death glorious, manly, and God-like as you kill the Roman soldiers with every ounce of energy you have left.  Pick up your cross and use it as a weapon!  And die like a real man!

I’m ignoring the “I’m hot” comments and robot jokes. But I am thinking Mark just hinted that Jesus was weak.

I am glad I know better. I am thankful I don’t feel the need to beat my chest to try to hide my insecurities. It brings my heart joy that making jokes about Jesus’s death on the cross does not amuse me. 

Bad news though. I would whip Mark Driscoll’s ass. I would gleefully knock his ass out for the people he hurts and misleads.

I kind of feel sorry for you, Mark. I think you have some insecurity issues and I’ll pray for you when I think about it. But, I wish you would try to come at me with that shit. Just once.

Bad, Homophobic Sweaters: On Demonizing the Salvation Army « In Our Words.

I am a Salvation Army adherent. I believe I am called to serve the poor, hungry, abused, and marginalized. That is why I came to worship and that is why I stay.

I also believe the mainstream Christian churches views on same-sex relationships are outdated and do not follow the most basic Christian rule.

That being love.

I refuse to believe my God does not look in favor at loving, monogamous relationships regardless of sexual orientation.

There is too much pain in this world. Too many homeless, hungry, addicted, enslaved, and lost.  Please know I will do my best to serve you.

How you are. Who you are.

With love and grace in Christ.

Stained glass at St John the Baptist's Anglica...

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Students in protest

 John Chis ham does not preach a 1/2 bad sermon. He really should listen to it a few times.

John is your typical “Fire and Brimstone” type preacher in a sense. His intensity is pretty off the hook. If emergents spread their views with this much vigor, there might not be as much hurt in this world. Maybe a few more kids would be alive. But lets move on, Shall we?

His preaching topic is that Christians do not have to become Jews to become Christians. They have no need to follow the old Jewish  laws, one being circumcision, to follow Christ. He makes reference to the Pharisees  who  demanded the old laws be followed as well as the modifications they came up with. All in the name of doing more pleasing works for God.

The problem is, neither John or Paul could make up their mind. Because in different conversations, both Paul and John Chis ham continue to follow and preach the old law. At the same time preaching the new.

I don’t think you can have it both ways. But somehow John and Paul think we can.

So John, listen to your sermon.  Be blessed. Who knows, your heart might be in the right place. It could happen!

Jesus

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I think we all like to feel somehow as righteous. I think we, as humans, like to feel we win.  Christians, we  push people away with politics.

My opinion of the real reason is that there is no right answer. None.

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism it’s just the opposite.- John Kenneth Galbraith

The politics of man are so polluted with envy, despair, pride, anger, and negative emotion. Our smug feeling of

  •  I’m right, you are wrong.
  • You must not be a Christian if you are a ___________ .
  • You must not understand scripture if you think ___________.
  • You must be stupid or evil if you think _____________ .

These feelings and statements do NOT bring persons to Christ.

They are not Christ like.  Your politics are not Christ’s teachings.

Because, they are not true. There is always grey in your black and white. They are of man. Not of God. And why do you think I say this?

Because they cause strife and separation within the children of God.

The souls we miss and the lives not touched by Christ through our pride. We will answer. I will answer.

Can we answer for less? Do the lost deserve more? Do we?

Selaniest

I love to tag surf and sometimes I run across a gem. This time I think I have ran across a diamond!

I have to say, this is almost stealing, but I want to add on this young ladies blog.

I think Christ would have said “Hakuna Matata” to the 12 if they had the word back then.

I would have loved to hear him say ” Hakuna Matata” to the grumblers for healing on the Sabbath.

And I think Christ would want us to dance like we do with our kids and grand kids to old Lion King sons.

Have church and dance in worship! ” Hakuna Matata” means ” There are no worries” Praise God for that!

Idea for post from this fine blog 

Anyone like this old song. “Like A Prayer” by Madonna   Catchy little number?  I think it’s more about boobs than God.  With so many things we do, I do not think our Lord was pleased.

Papa really , really did need to preach a lil more!  Ha~ Could not help it.

Another one I found in the back of the grey matter. “Pray” MC Hammer  Much better and Yes, I did like that on back in the day.  Well, actually, I still do!

But what happens when we ask someone to pray or when we offer prayer.  In truth, I say quite a few of us shame God.  Dilute prayer to something petty, un respected, weak even.  Lastly, displeasing and disrespectful to God.

Now before you pass me off as the holier than thou type, please know I am guilty of it myself. And since I at least think I write about things identifiable to me, here we are.

So here’s the rub.  My opinion is twofold.

  1. We sometimes offer prayer as a cop out.  Because it is easier and takes no money out of the wallet.  It makes us feel good and we can be relatively certain that no one will call us on it.  I mean , few will question the sincerity of the person offering prayer and very few would want to question the power of God once prayed upon.
  2. We rarely pray for all those requesting or in need anyway.  I don’t carry a notebook and I can’t tell you how many times I have asked about I phone aps for prayer lists.  ( OK , well, I think it was 3 times.  I got no responses. )  Does anyone really remember all that stuff?  Am I the only bad person here?  I pray not ( just joshing you )

So I think we are doing God a huge disservice.  By offering a prayer as a shield to keep your hands clean or wallet fat is an offence to God and the needy.  People need help.  Arms and legs.  Shoulders to cry on.  Food for their kids.

Not lazy prayers for God to fix things we can handle.  We pray for illness to leave but, do we check in on them.  Ask how they are doing?  Visit?  Did you even remember to pray?

My final point is this.  Get dirty.  Get honest.  Get Godly.  And when it comes to prayer, Get in or shut up.

And again, the shame is mine as well.  Pray for me?

Selaniest

Many that know me have noticed I have been on a tirade for the last couple days.  I suffer from quite a bit of disappointment when I see the masses giggle with glee over this whole rapture idea.  So I have a few things to say.

  1. Ok so first, Did you really think you were that freaking funny?  Who do you know that even came up with their own joke?
  2. Well, do you feel better now granted your big accomplishment on figuring out the rapture was not today? I mean , even for those that study the Bible, was it that much of a scriptural challenge?
  3. Did you at least pray for those poor souls that have lost everything?  That likely includes hope in God, salvation, life savings, relationships with relatives.  The list really goes on and on.
  4. And finally, for Rob Bell fans, did you not just finish that book?  Truthfully, I didn’t but, I’m not a fan.  How much love was given to these poor souls.  Our Christian brethren, by the way.

So you can tell me how they couldn’t hear your jokes.  You can hope what you thought and said didn’t hurt them.  You can excuse yourself for whatever bad experience you had that made you mad at those over zealous  horn blowers.  But think!  that could have been part of your journey.  Or maybe it was at some point.  And in that case, shame on you, you should know better.

Now, drink up!  Cheers!  Back to your party.  But on a closing note.  That whole silly hell thing.  What if your wrong?  Who’s going to be smug then?